Jessica Mullino "Untitled"

This story is about a girl and her late night/early morning battle with writer’s block. Andy’s predicament is one that almost any student can relate to: a sleepless night spent beating one’s head against a wall, just wanting to finish a simple assignment but feeling unable to do so. I enjoyed some of the samller details sprinkled throughout the piece. One example would be the “sheet-less bed that had fallen victim to a bowl of spaghetti sauce during lunch.” This was a detail that was very concrete and very specific, making it feel like a genuine circumstance. The repeated reminders about what time it was also added to the sense of believability, as checking the clock is a regular habit of procrastinators everywhere. The final paragraph of the story explained the title, “Untitled,” and hinted at the possibility that this was actually an experience of yours for this particular paper.

            While the element of meta-fiction has its own kind of fun associated with it, I did not feel particularly moved by its use in this case. In terms of character development or story arc altogether, I had trouble connecting what was going on to anything larger than a girl writing a paper. Perhaps if there were more inner dialogue or action throughout this would be an okay premise, but as it stands now, it feels a little flat. As I mentioned before, I liked a lot of the details included in this story, so I might suggest trying to elaborate on those and perhaps bring in another dimension of the story through these descriptions. Maybe we could learn about why she is having trouble writing beyond just a blanket statement of “I have ADD.” This was a fun read as it was, but I think a little bit of editing could make it a more impressionable experience.

Cole Eady "Secret Park"

The narrator of this piece is an overweight, not quite middle-aged man who has met back up with some of his old high school buddies with the intentions of getting into shape. His habitual lack of exercise and smoking make this a very daunting task, but he puts forth his best effort regardless. What struck me most about this piece was the contrast of characters. In the foreground, the narrator stands alone as the out of shape and out of place figure in the threesome. He is accentuated by Sean and James, two fit and seemingly successful men. I thought this combination of personalities and physicalitys worked nicely together, creating a kind of inherent tension between all of them. As always, I looked for the central arc or change in the story, but this time I am not sure I was able to pin one down.

            I liked a lot of the moments and descriptions in this piece. Beginning with the opening lines about there being a park with no sign or discernible marking of any kind was a good attention-grabber. I really wanted more to happen with this fact, however. By the end, I felt like the story had more to do with the people in the park than the park or its condition, so I might suggest trying to work that aspect back into the central theme somehow. I also really liked the line about fathers’ apathy towards their daughters’ exclamations about butter flies; I thought that was a really funny, ironic statement to make. My biggest problem with this story is that I felt like it stopped short of where it was supposed to end. A lot of what is on the page right now is working and is interesting, but I felt like things stopped just as things were getting good. I wanted to see the interactions between the three characters on the way to the hospital, in the hospital, and possibly at James’ funeral. I think a lot is going for this story already, but some expansion would be suggestion of mine.

Response to Jhumpa Lahiri’s “Once in a Lifetime”

Lahiri’s story encompasses many themes despite its relative brevity, so it is difficult to isolate any one of them and promote them to the prestigious title of “main theme.” I would contend that two of the larger ones could be described as a girl coming of age and illusions of a good life. The entirety of the story is told from the perspective of a middle school-aged girl named Hema. Her account is specifically addressed to a boy who, along with his mother and father, stayed in her house for several weeks one winter, Kaushik. Through intimate descriptions, Hema relates the colors, smells, textures, and sounds of her experience with this span of time.

I loved the way images drove this story. A great example of an image-driven memory appears on the second page which reads “I stood shivering, my fingertips puckered and white, as my mother threaded a length of thick drawstring through the giant waist of the pajamas with a safety pin, gathering up the stiff material bit by bit and then knotting the drawstring tightly at my stomach.” In this, I not only got an incredibly clear picture and sensory experience of this moment but also felt the character’s unease and discomfort.

            Characterization was also something that worked really well for this piece. Hema was especially vivid, and Lahiri did a wonderful job capturing the insecure thoughts of an adolescent girl. I particularly enjoyed how Hema kept expressing things like “I took it personally that nothing had inspired you” and “I felt flattered, though I had nothing to do with the weather,” which conveyed her pubescent self-consciousness in every situation even if she was not directly involved. All in all, Lahiri creates an engaging and enjoyable experience through her masterful use of description and characterization, two excellent literary aspects that I would be remiss not to pursue in my own writing.

Cary Bayless "Meow"

This story centers around a male narrator by the name of Cyril. As we come to discover, Cyril has some sort of social or mental disorder, and his world consists of simple thoughts and mental counting. Cyril appears to have some fascination with the journal of the girl across the street, Kelly. It is not exactly clear why he likes to read this particular girl’s journal so much, but he is obviously a repeat offender of privacy because of Annie’s reaction to him being in her house. It appears as though Cyril’s struggle through this whole piece is to understand the world around him and why people treat him the way that they do. If a change is to be noted in the protagonist, it is probably his shift from gloomy misunderstanding to happy celebration. By the end of this story, it seemed that Cyril finally felt like he was among company that loved him and wanted him around.

            In the way of suggestions, I think it might be helpful to the audience to have a more immediate understanding of Cyril’s condition or at least a more pungent revealing so there is no question about the mental condition of this character. I actually really like the slow reveal in this aspect, but I had to reread the story in order to get the character right. A couple of smaller things have to do with the first scene. We are never given a reason why Cyril likes to read through this girl’s journal, but it is obviously strong enough to get him to break into their house. Explaining this would not only clarify his motivations but also open up a great opportunity for characterization early on in the story. Also, I did not quite understand why Annie would be calling Cyril in the first place. It serves as a nice action to reveal Cyril’s violation, but it is never hinted at why this girl would be calling someone who evidentially repulses her. These are minor points, but I think they would add the experience of the story. I really enjoyed reading this piece and thought it had a lot of intriguing material. Very well done.  

Laurel Kostakis "Perfect"

This story depicts the inner life of a highly conceited but highly deceived college girl who has created herself into a boisterous and obnoxious person. The girl first appears to want the attention and affection that comes along with being a popular party girl, but it is obvious through her interactions with people around her that she repels more than she attracts. By the end of the tale, the girl has come to realize that she has become someone out of pretense and has forgotten who her real friends are. She resigns her aspirations of being the crazy popular girl and decides to settle down and get her life back in order.

            I liked how much of the characterization in this piece was done through interaction rather than description. I got to see how obnoxious and generally deplorable the girl was rather than simply being told. I also thought it was both funny and creative to have the story written from such a skewed point of view while still preserving the plot of the work seamlessly. I think a little work could be done to make this skewed perspective a little more subtle and consequently more powerful, but I really like what it did for the story. The other main suggestion I would have for this piece would be to work on the ending. As it stands now, I don’t believe that something as inconsequential as a guy this girl does not even know not showing up for a spur of the moment lunch date would thrust her into a place of life reevaluation and remorse. Her obnoxiousness is so poignant throughout the whole story, so I think there needs to be a more dramatic instance to send her over the edge or else alter the dramatic change to something more understated. I think there is a lot of good material here for a compelling story and there are several things working for it already, but a little more attention to the ending would seal the deal for me.