Ethan Hightower "Spanish Moss"

This piece tells the story of a group of boys and one of their last summers together as a group. I will say from the get go that I was a little confused about how old these boys were supposed to be. In the first paragraph the narrator mentions being a senior, but then goes on to talk about going into their freshman year in high school. The way the boys acted about the weed suggested a younger age, but the multiple references to “adulthood” made me wonder if they were not supposed to be rising college freshmen instead. Anyhow, these boys sneak off into the woods to smoke some weed, but things quickly go from lighthearted to grave when they find a plastic bag in the river with a small, dead hand protruding out from its side. The boys disperse, and it seems that the relationships existing between all of them are never the same.

            What I liked about this piece was the authenticity of the authoritative voice. The way thoughts and descriptions were written I believed that narrator had actually lived these events and had relationships with these characters. I also liked the turn of events throughout the story; what seems to be an everyday occurrence turns out to be gruesome and horrifying experience. I did, however, want to understand why none of the boys talked about the incident at the creek ever again. I feel like adolescent boys finding something as important as a dead body would at the very least tell other people about it if not the police. I assumed the reason was because they didn’t want people to know they were smoking weed, but some enlightenment on the situation could be helpful. All in all, I think this story has a lot going for it; it makes for an enjoyable read

J.J. Nelson "A Dream"

“A Dream” is a story following an overweight and slightly depressed college student, Gabe. The central conflict of the piece appears to be Gabe’s inner conflict with himself about his past and his discontent with the stoner lifestyle that he is currently leading. It would seem Gabe had only known one love in his life, one he no longer has. We are not told much about this mysterious love-girl, but she appears to be blonde and haunting from what I can gather. The plot is primarily advanced through mental monologues that take place in Gabe’s head. I liked the content of a lot of these sections, but I wanted to see more of it played out in the outside world. If this story were made into a silent movie, little would happen outside of the dream and Gabe smoking weed. I don’t think there needs to be anything dramatic necessarily, but a little something to attach Gabe to the world around him might be nice.

            When I tried to determine what the story actually was in this piece, I had trouble coming up with a concrete idea. It is obvious that Gabe is unhappy and wants to change, but it appears that he does little effect any such change. Granted, he does get out of bed at the end and finally do some writing, showing he is on the right path, but I did not quite get the justification for this change. I’m all about some subtlety, but in this case I was left wondering how the memory of his lover finally got him off his butt. I think with just a little touch of explanation, this can be cleared right up. I really liked the imagery you used, especially in the dreams; it showed a lot of creativity and made the story interesting.

Taylor Hardy "Aveux"

This story is told from the perspective of a man, Vince, who is struggling to reconcile the emotions attached to his dark and tumultuous past. His only loves in life seem to be his daughter, Amelia, and their dog, Shadow. Vince’s main source of emotional distress seems to stem from his wife’s suicide some years ago. It is never made clear why his wife killed herself, but her appearance of religious piety was revealed to be nothing more than a ruse meant to instill a sense of virtue in Amelia. In order to fill his loneliness, Vince begins sleeping with an unstable woman named Erica. Erica ends up killing herself as well, hoping to frame Vince for her death. After some jail time and a trial, Vince is acquitted of the crime, and he decides to move with Amelia to Paris to start a new life.

            I think this piece had an interesting premise with lots of potential for interesting characters and dynamics. I also liked a few choice moments, one of which was the line that read “Life is not some stupid fucking Nicholas Sparks novel,” which I thought was a very apt insight to life. What kept me from enjoying this story, however, primarily had to do with unbelievable dialogue and flat characters. One of the first things that distracted me was the overuse of direct addresses. In far too many lines, the dialogue begins with one character saying the other’s name, making the dialogue feel impersonal. Many interactions also felt stiff, such as in the following example: “Go back to your husband and the land of certainty, which is filled with love and false reality.” I didn’t feel like this would be something one person would really say to another. It was also statements like this that made me feel like the characters were somewhat lacking in depth and believability. In revision, I would suggest restructuring the dialogue to evoke a more subtle and believable revealing of the characters.

            All in all, I see a lot of potential for this story, but as it stands now, the surface-level descriptions and dialogue keep me from getting immersed in the action. When revising, I would focus primarily on the descriptions and interactions between characters. With these issues addressed, I think this could be a really engaging piece.

Lauren Barkley "Dreams and Reality"

This piece is about a young man named Luke who dreams of going to law school and playing baseball at the University of Mississippi. What stands in the way of his dream, however, is his father’s desire for him to remain at home in Minnesota and take up the family dairy farm in the future. Making a decision to pursue his own path, Luke flies to Oxford and tries out for the baseball team. Unfortunately, Luke can’t hold up against the stringent requirements of the team, and he is left with no choice than to return home. His family welcomes his back, and in an unexpected turn of events, his father hands him with an envelope with money and tickets back to Mississippi. I think this piece set up some interesting characters early on. Luke’s life as an athlete and cow farmer is intriguing and made me want to read about what happened to him. I also like the description of the coach on page three, very funny.

            I think the main things to address in revision should be primarily related to character expansion. There is some sense of the characters’ wants and motivations, but they feel pretty flat in many cases right now. I also was confused by the father’s final actions towards his son. It is obviously some sort of gesture of forgiveness and acceptance, but given the fact that Luke just tried and failed in Mississippi made the gift feel ironic. I liked the overall feeling if the piece, and I think with some revision and expansion, this could work really well.

Jeremy Hare "Casting Shadows"

This piece focuses on a young girl, Itami, who finds herself in the afterlife following a fire that burned down her home. At first, she is simply becoming acquainted with the strangeness of the hereafter, but she soon overhears a conversation between Kain and someone named Midoriko that reveals the fact that her death was not so accidental after all. Kain reveals that Itani was chosen for the strength of her soul to serve as a Shinigami, a protector of souls from earth to the afterlife. I thought this story was interesting in the way it described the afterlife and set up the main character. Though dead, Itami seems very much alive in the way she talks, interacts, and moves about. Though interesting, I thought there needed to be some more detail about why this is. In addition, I found myself being confused about how Imati could die in the afterlife. A couple of times throughout the piece, Itami says things like “I remember everything now,” which would indicate that she is alive or at least conscious in some sense after this story takes place. Again, I was confused about this and thought it needed some explanation if it is to stay in this story.

            In reading this, I did not get the feeling that much effort was put into constructing a “literary” piece. I got a sense that the characters were invented for a specific purpose rather than being organic. Some of the descriptions of “long silver hair down to the hips” and “red eyes” made me picture the characters as cartoon characters rather than real people. I am not saying anything is wrong with this in and of itself, but at least for this class and our attempts to construct literary short stories, this seemed like it needed some tweaking to reach that point. This writing obviously shows a lot of creativity, and I enjoyed it for its entertainment value.