This
piece is about a young man named Luke who dreams of going to law school and
playing baseball at the University of Mississippi. What stands in the way of
his dream, however, is his father’s desire for him to remain at home in
Minnesota and take up the family dairy farm in the future. Making a decision to
pursue his own path, Luke flies to Oxford and tries out for the baseball team.
Unfortunately, Luke can’t hold up against the stringent requirements of the
team, and he is left with no choice than to return home. His family welcomes his
back, and in an unexpected turn of events, his father hands him with an envelope
with money and tickets back to Mississippi. I think this piece set up some
interesting characters early on. Luke’s life as an athlete and cow farmer is
intriguing and made me want to read about what happened to him. I also like the
description of the coach on page three, very funny.
I think the main things to address
in revision should be primarily related to character expansion. There is some
sense of the characters’ wants and motivations, but they feel pretty flat in many
cases right now. I also was confused by the father’s final actions towards his
son. It is obviously some sort of gesture of forgiveness and acceptance, but
given the fact that Luke just tried and failed in Mississippi made the gift
feel ironic. I liked the overall feeling if the piece, and I think with some
revision and expansion, this could work really well.
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