This
story is told from the perspective of a man, Vince, who is struggling to
reconcile the emotions attached to his dark and tumultuous past. His only loves
in life seem to be his daughter, Amelia, and their dog, Shadow. Vince’s main
source of emotional distress seems to stem from his wife’s suicide some years
ago. It is never made clear why his wife killed herself, but her appearance of
religious piety was revealed to be nothing more than a ruse meant to instill a
sense of virtue in Amelia. In order to fill his loneliness, Vince begins
sleeping with an unstable woman named Erica. Erica ends up killing herself as
well, hoping to frame Vince for her death. After some jail time and a trial,
Vince is acquitted of the crime, and he decides to move with Amelia to Paris to
start a new life.
I think this piece had an
interesting premise with lots of potential for interesting characters and dynamics.
I also liked a few choice moments, one of which was the line that read “Life is
not some stupid fucking Nicholas Sparks novel,” which I thought was a very apt
insight to life. What kept me from enjoying this story, however, primarily had
to do with unbelievable dialogue and flat characters. One of the first things
that distracted me was the overuse of direct addresses. In far too many lines,
the dialogue begins with one character saying the other’s name, making the
dialogue feel impersonal. Many interactions also felt stiff, such as in the
following example: “Go back to your husband and the land of certainty, which is
filled with love and false reality.” I didn’t feel like this would be something
one person would really say to another. It was also statements like this that
made me feel like the characters were somewhat lacking in depth and
believability. In revision, I would suggest restructuring the dialogue to evoke
a more subtle and believable revealing of the characters.
All in all, I see a lot of potential
for this story, but as it stands now, the surface-level descriptions and
dialogue keep me from getting immersed in the action. When revising, I would
focus primarily on the descriptions and interactions between characters. With
these issues addressed, I think this could be a really engaging piece.
No comments:
Post a Comment