Cary Bayless "Mountain Blood"

First of all, I have to say that I really enjoyed this story. I felt that the story centered around Chad and his process of grieving his murdered girlfriend. At first, Chad appears to try to cope with the help of Jack Daniels and college girls. He wants to forget, to leave his bad memories behind and drown them in a sea of ephemeral pleasures.  His thinking changes, however, after his talk with Beau. I think he finally started to realize that life does not always makes sense, and one cannot live a fulfilled life while the demons of the past are still heavy on his back. If I had to summarize Chad’s character arc, it would probably be to say he went from grieving and hopeless to grieving but hopeful.

                The emotion behind this piece was incredible. Chad’s despair feels so read and tangible that it was easy for me as a reader to get swept away in the story. I also loved the descriptions throughout; they did a great job of creating clear and engaging pictures in my head. Examples included phrases like “embers continued to hiss,” “mouth foaming with toothpaste and his green toothbrush,” and “cold metal circle slipping out of my waistband.” All of these succeeded in creating an immediate sensory experience for me, I did not have to work for them. Then, in the flashback, you did a great job of providing ample amounts of concrete detail to ground the audience in what had happened and the horror associated with it.

                I really do not have a whole lot in the way of suggestions because I enjoyed it a lot just the way it is now. If I had to pick out one thing that was problematic for me, though, it would be the ending. The line “Light will always triumph darkness” feels more like a general statement rather than something that is actually in the story. If the piece had simply ended with “I see the whispers of morning paint the sky,” it would have made for an incredibly powerful ending, so I would suggest going back and considering some changes for the end. Overall, though, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece and experiencing the strong emotion within. Very well done, Cary.