JJ Nelson "Lessons"

 From my reading of this story, this piece focuses on a boy traveling in Italy on his own. While appearing to be a typical American tourist, he actually turns out to be quite the street savvy and cunning character. What the boy wants, however, was a little unclear to me. By the end of the story, it is revealed that the boy had pickpocketed the old man he had been talking to on the train, while the man and the boy sitting next to him had conversely pickpocketed him. While it is clear that the American boy walks away with the upper hand over the other two thieves, I was not sure if his intentions had been to rob somebody all along or if he had simply decided to do so once he realized what the other two miscreants were planning. The story as a whole seems to turn the typical paradigm of a helpless foreigner in a strange land on its head; instead of being taken advantage of by the locals, the American takes advantage of the Italians.

            When I tried to look for the characters arc through this story, I had trouble discerning it. As it stands now, it appears that the character never changes in terms of desires, attributes, or motivations. I might suggest that you alter the story slightly in order to add this extra element to your piece. Perhaps if you provided a little more insight into the American boy’s inner thought life and motivations, we would experience more of a journey (however brief) instead of a mere sequence of events.

            What I really enjoyed about this piece were its descriptions. A rich and artful vocabulary is employed throughout and witty phrases such as “He was not one to be charmed by the nuance of intergenerational, intercultural conversation,” got ideas across very clearly and vividly. In revision, I might cut out a few of the less extraordinary ones, such as “groomed himself sharply” and “faint, knowing smile,” in order to let the really good ones stand out even more. Also, a little more clarity would be nice at the end because I found myself having to read over the events again in order to understand what had happened. This already had the makings of a very solid story, and I really enjoyed reading it.