jessica Mullino "For the Love of the Game"

This is a story about a girl wanting to meet her father. Ever since Lindsey’s mother has told her the identity of her father, she cannot get enough of watching his old baseball footage. He used to be a pitcher for the Mississippi State Bulldogs, but now plays in the MLB as a pitcher for the Cubs. Finally, Lindsey resolves to see her dad in person and sneaks off to a Cubs game one weekend. The primary tension in this piece originates from the absent father character in Lindsey’s life. As soon as she decided to go see him in person, the audience is wondering how both parties will react to such a meeting after never seeing one another. It is obvious throughout the story that Lindsey’s want is to meet her father and perhaps start a relationship with him. I cannot say I saw a significant change in Lindsey over the course of the story, but the circumstances around her appear to change a little.

            This story included a lot of really good descriptions especially pertaining to baseball. I enjoyed the imagery on page one that described the red clay and obscured lines of the batter’s box. There were several things that I think need to be improved, however. First, we need to know from what perspective this story is being told earlier in the action. For the first two and a half pages, I thought this was just a third person account of something happening right now. When I discovered that it was actually from the point of view of a girl watching a recording on TV, I had to go back and reread the section again so I could understand the context. I also wonder if the first few pages even really do anything for the story as a whole. Granted, they contain good descriptions and such, but I did not feel like they were necessary for the plot of this story. Perhaps if there was more insight into Lindsey and what she thought about while watching the video it would be all right, but as it stands now, this section feels a little extraneous. There are also some grammatical errors to address, but these should be quick fixes.

I really liked how the ending of this story was not as cliché as it first appeared it was going to be. Instead of getting to meet her father, Lindsey is only left with a note saying her dad wants to meet her, but wants to do so with her mother as well. This made for an unexpected turn, and I liked the unconventional route it took. With some editing and revising, I think this story has a lot going for it and will be a very enjoyable read. Nice job.